Tuesday, June 25, 2013

year 1.


 but seriously, a million +.  oh the joys of temple marriage.  so many people told me that the first year would be the hardest. but if these past 12 months are a dose of hard times, then i think that i can handle eternity. or at least a few more years.  

 i think that more than "hard" or "difficult", people just meant that there would be a lot of adjustments to make.  here are some things that i have adjusted to:

* communication. i have made about .05% of improvement there.  but jared is patient.  and whenever he miscommunications something to me, we are able to talk it out and explain what happened and how we can better communicate in the future. 
* trust.  of course i trusted jared, enough to marry him!  but acting upon that has been a bit more of struggle than i imagined.  i have dealt with many trials and situations on my own and just keep things to myself.  i tend to be an oversharer of some things but far too aloof about others. but with his coaxing and patience (again, ever so patient), i have been learning more and more that i can trust him to be there for me no matter what.  the communication and trust really go hand in hand.
* single schedules are very different than married schedules.  waking up at 5:30 AM everyday to take him work means that we go to bed earlier.  sometimes we can't stay out as late.  or sometimes i run out of time in the day to get things accomplished.  i realized when i was single, i was able to do whatever i needed, whenever i needed to.  but one am walmart trips aren't much of an option anymore (we don't even have a walmart).  so i have been learning to reschedule.
*i can ask for help.  jared actually gets so frustrated with me because i don't ask for help.  perhaps it's from being single for 26 years?  but i insist on carrying everything by myself. doing everything by myself.  if i can't reach something, i will monkey up a wall before i ask him.  i suppose i have always thought that it is a good thing to be able to do everything by yourself.  but now that i have this built in happy helper, i am learning to accept it a little more. 
* money.  let's just say that it is a good thing that i married a money guy.  i know NOTHING about money.  it is sickening to him how little i know about financial responsibility.  i have loved shopping since i could walk. i have been a product junkie since before i was even allowed to wear makeup.  and i have always had a habit of needing a new outfit for...everything? and though my spending habits are far from ideal to him, but i am learning.
* additionally, i have learned that financially we are a team.  i make a significant less amount than he does.  so for several months (and even every now and then presently) i felt like i had to "earn my way" by keeping the house immaculate, all his meals, everything perfect and doing it all by myself.  i mean, he's my meal ticket and landlord and my little earnings wouldn't cut it on their own!  but back to that communication and trust thing- i was able to tell him the pressure and stress that i was feeling and he has patiently helped me to learn more about finances and to teach me that he wants to take care of me and that we are a team.  i still spend a lot more than him....we live by 3 j.crew's. it happens.

ok so there are a ton more things that i could go on and on about, but those are the big things that really encompass everything that we have had to learn to work with.  patience, communication, trust,  scheduling and finances.

but there are also plenty of things that have not changed or have just gotten better and better.
* we can be totally content sitting on the couch, watching netflix and eating popcorn, any day of the week
* jared still won't work out with me. thankfully, i haven't gained any marriage weight yet...
* his driving still makes me crazy. 
* we are going to have a lot of fun when we are old people
* i still love shopping with him
* i still like kissing him
* i still like making fun of him...he takes it so well. and lets me pout a bit when he does it back.
* PMS still scares him
* my relationship with his family has become so much better and i love spending as much time with them as possible. 

we were driving back to LA from Vegas on our anniversary, but the night before was when we had a mini celebration.  we went to buffalo wild wings and ate nachos and watched the basketball game.  earlier we had gone shopping. it was perfect.  sure we could've gotten fancy but really- nachos, basketball, and shopping?  that sums up so much of who we are. 
and he managed to surprise me with a gift. impressive little liar, he is. 
we had gone into brooks brothers and jared saw a jacket that he wanted.  it was on sale and so i told him to put it on hold while we went out to the rest of the mall and if he still wanted it when we were finished, then he should get it.  i have wanted a necklace from there for over a year now but can never bring myself to buy it.  but it was also on sale, so he said that he would put it on hold if i wanted it.  while i was at another store towards the end of our shopping, he said that he would go back to BB and get the jacket and asked if i wanted the necklace or not. i told him no, that i really didn't need it.  i met him afterwards at BB and he was just walking out with his new jacket.  i asked if he got the necklace for me and he said no because he thought i didn't want it. i said ok, like it was no big deal. he even started to walk back to the store to go get it but i just said no, it's ok and we headed home. but in my head i was thinking "if he was really sweet he would have just done it anyway... but oh well, i really don't need it."

but what do you think was sitting on my seat when i got in the car to go to dinner with him?

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